I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
