i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
