dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We got so high we made milksteak
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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