everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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