The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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