its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
