Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can I color on your dick again?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
