I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry about my life...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
