can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
