My sheets look like a crime scene.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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