But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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