apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
