Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
