bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
