Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
