I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
