alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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