wat bout pragnant strippers??
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
