Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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