I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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