I think I am morally bankrupt
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
