Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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