i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
