I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
