I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
