Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
