look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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