Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
