Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
