she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
