i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
as a side note pls kill me
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