Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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