I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
