What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
