i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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