I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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