Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I deserve this hangover.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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