I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
