Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
