omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
