Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
