I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
