Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
