I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
