I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
