please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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