I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
