if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
