Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I faked an abortion last night.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
