yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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