I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
