i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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