4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
