why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
