I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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