help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
