no you cant smoke seaweed
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
